You know that you’re empty when you care about nothing. It’s different than “don’t care” — basically, I care about nothingness more than everything-ness itself. But, you know, I’m just starting this blog with a block of nonsense. It’s freezing in here and I just had my biggest disappointment as a student.

I’m not going to play victim here, I’m just going to whine and complain about everything that happened in Melbourne.

It’s freezing here and I know it’s not as freezing as snowy Europe or snowy Asian countries, but it’s enough to make me hating an entire day. I woke up early, today, to do a 9AM class at my campus which is an hour away from where I live. But, as my usual morning routine, I procrastinate for around two hours or so, then prepare myself for a journey to school.

I stood in an empty tram stop while transiting from my home-tram-line to my school-tram-line (that’s why it took an hour for my trip). I sit there, in the not-so-warm tram, waiting for it to take me to the beloved warm hold of campus. I wasn’t really excited about today, really, and sure enough, I didn’t expect anything to happen. But, I still got disappointed when I arrived there: my morning class ended early.

So, yeah, wHY THE HELL DID I DEPART IN THE JAM NANGGUNG BANGET ITU SAMPE KE KELAS BERIKUTNYA ADA SEKITAR DUA JAM LAGI DAN DI LUAR ITU DINGIN SANGAT SO I CANNOT SMOKE.

Okay, akhirnya gue menghangatkan diri di perpustakaan, berharap bisa menghasilkan satu atau dua judul tulisan sambil menunggu kelas berikutnya. Gue bisa aja tadi langsung cabut pulang berhubung kelas berikutnya (pada dasarnya) adalah kelas hari Senin part 2. Jadi dalam tiga hari ini gue cuma bisa menghadiri satu mata kuliah aja — yang notabene nggak apa-apa kalo gue nggak dateng. Tapi, daripada nanti berasa kalah banget (well, I doubt that), jadi mending gue berusaha bertahan di perpus sambil ngetik.

Gue udah semangat mengikuti ide tersebut, udah bersiap di PC dengan indah, terus pas mau login, salah password mulu. Iya, entah kenapa gue nggak bisa login ke PC kayak biasanya gue di kelas. Ya gue bingung, kirain make komputer di sini harus kayak di warnet ribet, daftar dulu di meja resepsionis, baru dikasih username dan password. Nyatanya, nggak. Emang student ID gue aja yang bermasalah.

Gara-gara ini juga, gue sempet mikir: Jangan-jangan gue diem-diem di-DO karena cabut kelas mulu. Tapi nyatanya tidak, emang student ID gue aja yang memutuskan untuk menjadi kampret di hari yang dingin ini.

Pada akhirnya, gue bisa login dan di sinilah gue sekarang, masih kedinginan, ngetik blog di perpus, dan ngansos aja pas ketemu temen-temen sekelas. Memang gue adalah manusia yang ajaib yang harus terus dilestarikan karena gue awesome.

Off topic. Iya, begitulah pembuka blog gue yang udah mulai jarang diupdate ini.

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Anyway, sekolah di Melbourne sebenarnya nggak menyebalkan. Orang Ostrali itu baik-baik dan toleran, tapi tetep gemesin kalo udah mulai songong. Dibilang hidup di sini mahal, sebenernya nggak juga. Sebagai orang Asia yang berbudi dan beriman, biaya makan bisa ditekan seminimum mungkin karena porsi sini itu dua kali lebih banyak dari porsi makan orang Asia kebanyakan. Biaya transport juga segitu-gitu aja. Paling yang mahal ya biaya ngerokok (kalo biaya pelariannya mah termasuk murah untuk kualitas demikian).

So far, living in Australia is good. But, I miss the warm hold of my asshole friends. Di sini nggak ada budaya nongkrong; ada sih, tapi ya cuma dua jam, maksimal. Setelah itu? Mereka kembali menjadi individual dengan anjingnya, atau HP-nya, atau apapun yang bisa mereka jadikan sebagai pembunuh waktu. Yap, kehidupan Ostrali gue cuma kepentok di sana.

Kadang gue mikir, kalo aja gue bisa memindahkan hidup gue berserta orang-orang yang terlibat di dalamnya ke Melbourne, mungkin gue udah melakukannya sebelum semester satu berakhir kemaren. Tapi sayangnya, that’s not how life works. You can whine all you want, but nothing will change because it’s not your frickin’ option. People have their own life and so do you.

It got me thinking, tho. Most people think that being left is the hardest part of life. But, the truth is, saying good-bye hurts the most. It doesn’t matter when one person or two walked out of your life, but it does matter when you say good-bye to your life to start a totally new one; in different place, with new people, with new routine; and you realize that you can’t bring all of your loved ones to that happy place.. so you have to say your farewell to them. You can only say to them, “see you next time” and hope that your life will bring you back to them.

It’s kinda sad, really. I do wish that I can bring all of them… all of you… to this place. Because, I love the idea of having you guys in my life, in any stages of my life — happy, sad, depressing, and all of that hellish part of my life — I want you guys to be there, getting you guys involved because that’s how much you mean to me.

Yes, I feel lonely here. But that’s just life, you have to deal with it until it’s over, you have to finish what you have started, you have to come back even stronger than before.

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Living among people surely makes me weak in the mind. Then again, am I getting weaker, or am I evolving? Well, I’d like to think that I’m evolving as human being. I’d like to think that I’m getting better as a normal human being; which means, I have feelings, I can feel attached to people, I feel closer to my environment, and I feel grateful to have them in my life.

Somehow, this is like a valuable lesson for me to see my life from afar. A lot of work, but it is something that I must do. And, so far, I’m starting to see myself clearly and my life, entirely.

Ciao!

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