Just now, I read one of my friend’s news feed on Facebook that tells about a whiny little girl who wants to be themselves but fail. Fail as in nobody likes them because they’re too much. And one of my friend’s comment on the whining is that if you want people to like you, then appear to be someone people like. Well, it’s not entirely true.. yet, I’m not disagreeing with my friend.
Somehow, you dont have to appear or do things that people like or what people are expecting. You’re free to be yourself as long as you follow the social protocol. Yes, social life do have protocol that you have to follow. Even when you appear or do what people like or expecting, you still have to follow the protocol.
The social protocol is something that you have to follow when you’re socialising. Why? Not because you want people to like you, but so you have self-respect or dignity, and so people around you feel respected. It’s something that you have to follow so people around you dont underestimate you because you choose to be yourself, yet you dont know how to socialise. Or in other word, a loser.
What I’ve learn from socialising for years, I managed to conclude what are the social protocol that people have to follow when they’re around with other people. Here are several conclusion that I made. You can correct me if I’m wrong.
1. Always say 3 magic words: Sorry, Please, and Thank You.
When you have social life, it’s impossible for you to avoid the moment when you need help or ask for a favour. There are moments when you cannot do things on your own and it’s okay – it’s a sign for you to get help and start to socialise. And when you’re asking for a favour, you cannot just burge in to a conversation and ask people to do stuff.. even when you’re chatting or asking someone you’re really close to. Of course, there’s this thing called manner. So, what you need to do is say those 3 magic words before and after you ask.
Those 3 magic words are the first protocol of socialising. Because it is the most important thing that you have to remember and do. You make people feel respected. And, therefore, people respect you more because you respect them.
2. Know when to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
In socialising, you’re not the only one who needs help – other people might also ask for your help or favour. At this very time, it’s absolutely your choice if you want to help them or not.. or, at least, you know when you’re able to help or not.
When you think that you’re able help them and it doesn’t really cause you a lot of trouble, you can always say ‘yes’. But, when you think that you wont be able to do it, don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ to them. And, of course, not to forget the word ‘sorry’. After saying ‘no’, you can always add details or reason why you can help them so they understand.
At this kind of moment, most of people might afraid to say ‘no’ – especially to people who are very close to them. You dont have to worry when you say ‘no’. It shows you that you have self-respect. Knowing when you’re able to do a favour or not can be considered as self-respect. Why? Because you’re dealing with your ability and your own desire – and you have to know yourself better than other people. When you’re able and want to help them, say ‘yes’. When you’re not able or dont want to help them, say ‘no’.
As simple as that.
3. Keep your promise.
Trust is the basic thing in socialising. And as usual, promise is a very sacred thing. Though a promise is not as sacred as a vow, you still have to keep them. Keeping promise also considered as a way to show your self-respect and to show that you respect others. Keeping promise also the root of trust because promise works like a seal – when you break it, you can never fix it. When you break a promise, probably it doesn’t effect anything at first. But, when you keep on doing that, the root of trust will rot and the foundation of trust will fall apart. The next thing you know is that you don’t have anyone who trust you – which means, you have no friends.
4. Don’t afraid to be honest.
When you’re socialising, you have to be honest to people because it’s also the root of trust. Honesty is not only works for people – you also need to be honest to yourself. When you don’t like things, sometimes you have to say it honestly (but still in a very polite way). Why? Because, nowadays, meeting a backstabber is not a rare thing. To avoid being labeled as a backstabber, you need to be honest to people and to yourself.
5. Tell the difference between The White Lies and The Black Lies.
Sometimes, you cannot be too honest at other people. Sometimes, you need to sugar-coat things so you wont hurt their feelings. Before doing that, you have to know the person better so you know when to sugar-coat, and when is not.
At this point, I consider ‘sugar-coating’ as a white lie. Sometimes, you need to tell lies for good reason. For example, to protect their feelings from getting hurt. And there’s a difference between The White Lies and The Black Lies. A black lie means you tell something that is actually the opposite of the truth for bad purpose. A white lie means you tell the truth in a very modified way (sugar-coating) for a good purpose. Which one is the bad purpose and which one is the good purpose? To answer that, you need to think. Because the answer is depends on how you see things.
Those are the 5 protocols of socialising that I can conclude. The conclusion came during my own observation. Those protocols works for me very well. For people who know me in real life, they know what kind of person I am – yet, they still want to hangout with me as friend.
The real Kyle is a bit of a jerk and very twisted minded. My friends in real life told me that like almost every single time we hangout. Yet, they still want to hangout and still want to be friend with me. I don’t really know if it’s because of the 5 protocols or not – but, I do follow the 5 protocols of socialising. Because, in my opinion, those protocols made me into someone what people called ‘loyal’.
I guess that’s all for now. Thank you for your attention.